Mom diaries: 1 month old

I am going to say a statement which is so cliché. I  like to think I am different  from  everyone else. I made a pact with  myself to go out there and reveal the truth about this journey  into motherhood. The good, the bad,the ugly all uncensored. Here I am  a little  shocked to report that if could  sum up this past  month, I would say the most cliché statement ever – It goes by  so fast! I mean I feel like it was just yesterday when I wasn’t  a mom. Now I have  been a mom for one whole month. I didn’t know  what kind of  mommy I would  be. I am  still trying to figure that out. I  sort of feel like a lion… or another  wild and dangerous  big  cat. Every thing I do is instinct. My parenting style at this stage is  as primal as the wild and dangerous  big cats. Just a note to  the world. … do not touch my son. Ever. Just  don’t. When I  hear him cry.. not even the delta stage of sleep can keep me  from  hearing  him even  if he is in the other room. I  also get what my cousin Gamu meant now.. when she said as a mom, you always  feel like  noone else can take care of the baby.  It’s  true.. but I don’t think it. I know it. He hardly  cries with  me. Seth has signs he gives when he wants or does not want something.. we do not  need to  get to the  crying  stage at all. Once I had an argument  with  my mum… I am like you are making him cry. She says – all babies cry.. its normal. I am like no… its a sign of distress. Really. It is. He was a few days old then. I  just walked away and went to cry in the other room. Hearing Seth cry is  the worst kind of torture. I die a little inside with every wail. I am like give me my baby. Let me soothe him.  Speaking of soothing.. he has not accepted a pacifier. I am a human pacifier. R.I.P to my nipples. Well enough  about  me.. let’s talk Seth. 1 month old Seth. Another  crazy cliché statement coming up and I am sure you know what I am going to say…. he is growing so fast!!! At one month old – new born clothes don’t fit him anymore. He has chubby  checks now. I am not sure about weight but he has grown  7cm taller.. in a month. (What do I do with the clothes he does not fit… I am contemplating still). I just realised  he is not  even  a new born anymore. Oh my oh my!!! He doesn’t  cry much. He prefers  to give us signals and only  if whoever is looking after him,   (I always listen) does not listen then he cries. I do night duty myself most nights because  dad goes to work so I tell him he can sleep. From about 10pm till  10am the boy does not cry..  at all.  Because I am listening to him. He used to cry during bath time but now he loves it. His grandma used to bath him but now its my job. I quite enjoy it. He can see me now.  Sometimes he when he is being fussy just me showing him my fae makes him calm down. He can even focus on my face for a while. During bath time we play old school  hiphop and we have a good time. I am so happy he likes water. I want him to learn how to swim really early. Olympics here we come! He seems to enjoy Dr Dre, Nate Dogg and Snoop.  He hasn’t  smiled at me yet… but I  feel it coming. Once I saw  him smize at me… you know  smize  right. Smiling with his eyes. Best feeling ever. He  got baby  acne at 3 weeks. I was so sad. But now it’s clearing up which is awesomeness. It did not  bother him at all. I was just so sad about it. I took him to the clinic once coz of it. Over  the  last few  weeks  I thought I  broke him a few times. Once when he fell asleep with his eyes open and then the weird eye movements and then when the baby acne broke out. Then oooo when his eye got swollen  coz he slept on that side. I cried  and said … oh no! his eye! lets go to the clinic  now!!! But dad said wait  till tomorrow. We did then in the morning  it was the other eye!!! Turns out  it’s normal the eye on the side they sleep on swells. They will eventually  grow out  of  it like everything  else. But yes…for I while  I  thought he was broken. He is really the cutest  boy… he has huge eyes which open really wide and melt my  heart..  especially  at 3.30am when I  operate  on auto pilot. It goes like this… baby signals.. Feed burp.. change nappy  feed again burp… hope he is sleeping. .. stare at eyes… sees huge eyes with no sleep in sight. No time to feel  sorry for  myself coz I will be up for  at least another hour with him  coz all I am thinking is… “Wow he is soooo cute!!!” I am just  so happy God chose me to be bambi eyes’ mother.

 

 

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20 weeks pregnant.

First of all .. this was not an accident. I actually planned this whole thing. I turned 25 and 60 months this year, and so I felt my biological clock ticking really loudly. I realized I didn’t want to have to same issues I had with my parents because of  the huge age difference. My dad is 70! He was 40 the day I was born! We have nothing in common.. well except that I look like him, talk like him, am as loud as him and I walk like him when I wear heels…. but besides all of that I am nothing like this dude. When we meet its the same three minute conversation all the time then after that it gets really awkward really fast. I am kinda jealous. He drinks with my brothers. They can spend hours on Skype. I am like thinking… what the heck are you all talking about.  Don’t get me wrong.. I LOVE my dad. I always wanna make him proud. But if I am not presenting a degree/certificate or giving him a gift.. then what else is there??? Anyway I blame this unfortunate circumstance on our age gap. And then there is my mum, who is 65. When I was born she was 35. She acts like she is 90. She is old fashioned and dresses like a granny. Then again she is a granny. My mum is the reason I do not have much love for make up. She has never been about that life, I think she is an old soul. She acts much older than anyone I have ever met. Sometimes she drives me crazy and I feel like saying… please be young for  a minute. Really my mum doesn’t even wear earrings or believe in laughing in front of  people more respectable than her. We have nothing in common… except my huge flat nose, my indifference to make up, my love of comfy clothes and eating good food…. besides all that… we have nothing in  common. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my mum. But once she freaked out coz I called her “mother”. I blame her 90 year old soul.

So I made up my mind to have a baby before I get to be as old as my parents were when they had me. But then… it was never the right time. I actually don’t think now is the right time but if I didn’t just do it I was never gonna do it. Part of me thinks, I took too long. I should have had the baby the first time I turned 25. But then at that time I didn’t have a husband yet. I am all traditional like that. I always said I would be married before I have a kid. Maybe coz my old parents drilled those old school values in me. Maybe 25 and 60 months is already too late and my kid is gonna think I have an old soul too. I am imagining my child calling me “mother”. Argggg it doesn’t sound right to me. Definitely sticking to “mama” like I call my mum.

So new years eve, I am like to my hubby… do you wanna have a baby this year? He says we can try.. but later so that the baby is born in 2017. Well that worked out for us just as he said. Little Bhelebana is coming in 2017. Gosh… and the days just have to drag. I am over being a house for a human. But at the same time I want the human to stay in me all 40 weeks. I know… I am nearly bipolar isn’t?

So I pee on the stick. Two lines…. crap, I have class in like 2 min. So I start teaching and pretending my life is all good so I can suck up to my students and get good ratings. My mind was racing crap crap crap.. I am not ready. God, I was just joking!!! I am not gonna lie. I was really not happy about it for the first hour. Then I got on the smile.amazon.com – Yes I use the smile site so I donate to charitable organisations — so I go on there and I bought a pregnancy journal and the infamous book: “What to expect when you are expecting” . I also bought a yoga set so I can do pregnancy yoga.. which reminds me.. if you want a yoga set I can give you one. I have never used it.  After I paid I felt so much better about my situation. Plus my hubby seemed excited when I finally told him.

So the only time I have enjoyed this journey is like from the time I placed my order till about 1 week later when my body finally got the memo. It has been in one very accurate word – HORRIBLE. I have not one day written in that pregnancy journal because I have been sick. People are liars. Horrid horrid liars. There is nothing beautiful about this alien causing havoc in your life. And if you are ready.. only if you are ready read the next paragraph…. if not skip it. In the next paragraph I will go through the some of the crazy stuff that goes on while you are pregnant.. that people say is all worth it when the baby comes. Noone told me about this.. I have experienced it and still do…. so if you are ready…. read next paragraph. If not .. DO NOT DO IT!

First of all.. I only bought the pee stick coz my gums got swollen. Half my face was swollen and the gums were bleeding back. I could hardly brush my teeth. So I went to the dentist. Who said when he saw me… “are you pregnant?” I was like ummm I don’t know. He says he sees this “ALL THE TIME” and thinks I should pee on the stick. Like are you kidding??????  (really “all the time”??? really???) Anyway he was right. Then I got the meds right and things were great for a week like I said above until … morning sickness. Why the heck anyone called it morning sickness is a mystery to me. I feel like starting a petition to change the name. This MS is all day. I lost weight coz I could eat nothing and everything smelt bad! EVERYTHING. I threw away perfumes, and air freshener and these spa sticks. I opened the windows and I just suffered for weeks! What is MS?? Well imagine you have a flu… and you had too much tequila last night and mixed it with vodka…. and so its like a hangover and flu combined and the constant need to throw up.. EVERY SECOND OF YOUR DAY. It was terrible to say the least.. especially week 9.. created by the devil himself. A real test of faith. I was considering a secret abortion and was going to tell me husband it was a miscarriage. I think God Himself intervened that week.. the day after my horrid thoughts I went for my first scan and I saw my Sunshine for the first time. That was the key to me making it till today. Really the scan saved my baby’s life. Well that’s not all folks… there’s more… sensitive boobs, sore back, acne, fatigue… now when I say fatigue I am not kidding!!! Fatigue for days especially in first trimester. I slept 15 hours a day.. and I could have slept more if people didn’t wake me up. Regardless of how long I slept I was still exhausted. It was really terrible. Turns out its coz I had hypothyroidism.. which causes a whole host of fun things like miscarriage, still birth, low IQ, low birth weight and just drama. Now for TMI symptoms… seriously this is TMI (too much information – please just skip it if you ain’t ready). Well if you insist on reading this here goes… first discharge.. yes vaginal discharge.. lots of it all the time every time. I thought there was a problem… apparently if it doesn’t stink and isn’t a funny color then its all good… perfectly normal. I said to my gyne… who is male by the way… yes.. a man other that my husband has touched my vagina…(eeewww) .. so I said to him.. but it makes my panty wet.. I have to wear panty liners. He said yes.. its all perfectly normal. Are you kidding me? But wait there is more!!!! Perspiration anyone? And lots of it. And damn me for getting pregnant in summer. I now perspire under my boobs ladies and gentlemen.. under my boobs!!!! My favorite outfit is now  officially my birthday suit. But wait… there’s more. My boobs – boy are they huge… not that’s not the bad part – I now have moles on my nipples… did you know that??? Did you know that anyone??? I didn’t know that… all these people walking around evidence of previous pregnancies and not one person thought to let me in on this secret that my nipples will have little moles on them… and can start leaking some little amount of fluid.. (very little) as early as 19 weeks. When I asked my doctor about this moles… which I feared were cancerous or something, his response was “It’s perfectly normal” What the actual freak. How is this ok?? In any world. I am not one to brag ladies and gentlemen. But I had beautiful boobs. My boobs were so perfect. My husband was really one satisfied individual. Now… I have moles on my nipples. My very dark black nipples. Seriously. Anyway more symptoms include HOT feet. You do not understand. I cannot sleep because I my feet have a fever. They swell.. so do my hands but mostly my feet.. swell. It’s ridiculous. Argg  I am tired of writing so I will stop here with the symptom talk but trust me… there is more. .. like thrush and stuff… maybe I will tell you another day but arrggg I am over it.

Now that I am over that part. I wanna bring you back to the first thing I said… This was not an accident. I deliberately got pregnant. Some days, like today I feel better. Maybe coz I went to church this morning. I guess. I started writing this blog post coz I just wanted someone to know this journey is so surreal. Yet everyday I am pregnant and I will be for 20 more weeks. I think about it. I don’t drink coz of it, I haven’t eaten sushi or undercooked meat or apples or KFC coz of it. I live this pregnant life everyday.  Argggghh but it is so surreal. It’s a bit too much adulting for me. But I am already invested in my son… James Chase…. name has not been approved by the father yet but anyway. That’s his name for now. Maybe if I keep saying it he will start liking the names.

Maybe I will write again. Maybe. I have lots to tell. But I am sleepy now. Time for my 1pm nap. This post is too long anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

All I want for Christmas is….

Presents

So I felt inspired by a friend. So I came up with a list of 28 things I would want for Christmas this year.

Just to make it easy for all my family & friends.

1. Tickets to a cruise ship – NOT Oh Ship! – I would prefer an “adult contemporary” cruise ship experience.

2. Tickets to the Micheal Buble concert

3. To make Wedu more than just an idea.

4. Shoes!

5. Trip to Phuket or Zanzibar

6. Good bottle of Shiraz – better yet a red wine making kit

7. That opportunity.

8. Year’s supply of awesome and rare tea – variety is king.

9. A Southern African Safari trip

10. A warm smile and a hug from my husband.

11. A hydroponics starter kit

12. Upgrades for my kitchen – especially baking stuff (Oh my! I am this person! I really want that)

13. Handbags!

14. Ice-cream

15. A scarf

16. Lingerie (I do not know a woman who does not want this)

17. Spa day

18. Money.

19. Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook by F L Fowler

20. Poker night with #TeamShikwaru

21. If any of my besties visit me

22. A trip to Sun City

23. Micheal Buble’s Christmas Album on CD (do not pirate it, buy the CD)

24. Donation to Camfed in my name. (Coz girls have to go to school)

25. Paintball and quad biking outing with family and friends.

26. A Christmas tree. Because I have never had one.

27. To meet my niece – Malaika

28. A party.

Conversations with myself

Gini index measures the extent to which the distribution of income or consumption expenditure among individuals or households within an economy deviates from a perfectly equal distribution

Gini index measures the extent to which the distribution of income or consumption expenditure among individuals or households within an economy deviates from a perfectly equal distribution

One of my colleagues called me a communist. Well he didn’t say – “You are a communist” He just said I should not bring my communist tendencies to the table.

That totally threw me off for the longest time. I laughed when he said it. I always thought I was a capitalist. I mean, when I think communism I think China. And not the fabulous China that is the growing powerhouse we see today. I think China during the historic times when you would work, work, work and the next sickly person who cannot work as hard as you gets the same benefits as you do.
I mean I believe if you work hard you should be paid more than the one who does not work as hard as you do.
However I also believe that income must somehow be equally distributed, to an extent. While, I agree, yes the C.E.O should make more than the receptionist. I do not think the receptionist should be struggling to make her rent when he has the freedom to buy his third car this year, when they work for the same organisation. It is just not fair.
Notice what I did there. I did it on purpose too. This inequality between genders just makes me cringe. I am so over it.
Sometimes I wonder if I only feel like this because I am a black female from Zimbabwe. If anyone should have it bad, statistically speaking it is me. My race (black) historically had been given the short end of the stick, my gender as well. Let us not even discuss my country. Perhaps my experiences have led me to come to the conclusion that income should more or less be equally distributed.
Perhaps.

I truly believe that if I was a white male from North America I would still think the same. Fine I suppose we will never know.
It doesn’t mean I am a communist though. It makes me a capitalist with a conscious.

This post probably does not make any sense but oh well. This is my blog and I can write what I like.

3 Reasons I’m Donating My Birthday to Charity

This year, instead of gifts, friends and family please support my chosen charity by making a donation in my name!

Camfed provides comprehensive bursary support for the full duration of a girl’s secondary education. The scholarship covers everything from school fees, to uniforms, to shoes, books, pencils and bags.

1 way to make a donation is to donate online on:

https://camfed.org/

OR

Contact me for other ways to donate (eft and otherwise)

It costs US$335 a year to send one of these girls to school and my aim is to send at least 1 girl to school. Please support.

 

Here is why I am doing this!

 

1. Drop-out rate for schoolgirls in Zimbabwe is “alarming”

The majority of children out of school are orphans or children of ailing or subsistence farmers. It is for this reason that as an organisation we provide comprehensive and long-term bursaries to over 17 000 poor girls in 26 rural districts. It is not enough to meet some of the needs for these poorest children: the support has to be comprehensive providing the fees, levies, stationery, uniforms, sanitary ware and the uniforms. – Camfed Zimbabwe’s Executive Director Angeline Murimirwa

2. Education is key to ending child marriage

“There are no jobs, schools are often long distances from people’s homes, and so for many girls, there seems little option but to get married. Without education, they lack confidence or knowledge to make their own choices and so the vast majority end up married or with babies with little say in the matter. Their prospects seem bleak.” – Angeline Murimirwa, Executive Director for Camfed Malawi and Zimbabwe

3. I hope to encourage you to do the same

This charity event will far outlive my birthday

See more at: http://www.crowdrise.com/VongaisCharityBirthday#sthash.3MWWfQTp.dpuf

Vote for @263Chat in the Human Rights Tulip Award

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Sir Nigel's Journey...

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@263Chat has been nominated for the Human Rights Tulip Award. The online voting process is currently underway and closes at 17:00 on the 18th October 2013. To vote and support @263Chat, please vote by following this link here. Please share this news with others.

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Jill Scott – The Real Thing: Words and Sounds Vol. 3 (Album Review)

“My love is deeper

Tighter

Sweeter

Higher

Flyer

Didn’t you know this,

Or didn’t you notice?”

Jill Scott is a genius.

I love neo soul. The beauty of the music, the emotions and the poetry. And I love Jill Scott because understands how to express herself through neo-soul.

This particular album is actually a couple of years old. Released in 2007 yet still sounds as good .. if not better than it did when I first heard it.

Jill Scott

Love, poetry, soul and drums. A journey I recommend you take when you are relaxed, perhaps with a glass of wine looking at something…. or someone beautiful.

The Real Thing is a mature sound. You can listen to every single track. Jill Scott remains true to her deep lyrics and she delivers on every single track. I kid you not.

But if I had to mention a few tracks to look out for, like if you put a gun to my head to make me choose a few songs I would say:

Hate on me – because it’s a powerful track, amazing vocals and exudes confidence. Am sure if you are human you would relate with the message because there are so many haters in the world.

Crown Royal – because it is such a sexy song. #ThatIsAll

My love – Think is my favorite. In the charts it peaked at #31 What are people smoking? If this is not one of the greatest songs I have ever heard I do not know what is! I think its because the song is so real.  The violins, the bass guitar and the emotions in this song though. Its actually something she wrote because of what she was going through. Very sad story which I think is the reason it is so good. It is real.  Under-rated song.

Whenever you’re around – I think this one is my favorite. Ha ha – I said that about My Love isn’t but they are both awesome. This one is really a quiet evening with a glass of wine type of vibe.

Other songs to look out for are Wanna be loved, Come see me and Only you and basically every other song on the album.

12 out of 10 for this album. Get it yesterday and if you have it, share your thoughts.

SongVersation (Album Review) – Music and I

SongVersation

I am blessed in many ways and it goes without saying that music is one of those numerous ways I am blessed.

I know I am not the only person who gets touched by music. I am sure almost everyone has had that moment when you working or chilling or reading or doing your thing when this song, that you have never heard before takes you by surprise and you feel it. You like in the middle of your thing and you like start moving your head or listening to the words or you like take out your Shazam to find out the name of the song and artist.. so that  you can download it immediately.

That happens to me a lot.

The latest shockingly amazing song that makes my heart skip… India.Arie  –  This love

From her album SongVersation – which I got from my bestie – Miss Gwen Myers (I love you lots)

Have you listened to SongVersation? Neo-soul/Rn’B  type of music and if you are into Maxwell, Musiq Soul Child, Corrine Bailey Rae, Dwele or Floetry – you would love it.

I love neo-soul because it is timeless. I can listen to This love in 2020 and I know for sure it will still make my heart skip. I literally feel like I am floating when I listen to it.

The whole time I was listening to the album I was thinking – I love India.Arie – her music reminds me of God. Her love songs are so filled with meaning unlike any other love songs I have heard for example –  Nothing I love more and Moved by You. The song Nothing “I love more” literally makes me want to wear a dress and dance in the sun. I wasn’t shocked to find her love song to God in the middle of the album – Thy will be done, which has a of reggae touch to it.

The album if full of gems, another favorite I have to mention –  Cocoa Butter. A sunny song that makes me think of flowers, smiles and yellow dresses. Love it!

Its really just a very mature, laid back and happy album.  Its a rare find in a world where pop music has taken over the radio and music channels. It’s refreshing music.

Out of 10  on the first listen I gave this album a  7

Out of 10 on the second listen I gave it a 8.

Out of 10 on the seventh time I listened to it I gave it a 9.

I gave up rating it. Its so beautiful – just buy it.  You will love it.

If you have it, please tell me your favorite song. And what you think of the whole album.

If my voice can be heard.

Dear Zimbabwe.

The word on the street is the election may have been stolen. Maybe it was maybe it wasn’t. People ask me what I think about what happened but the truth is I don’t care.

I don’t care if our president is young or old. I don’t care if it is Zanu Pf or Mdc or Zapu. I don’t care if the name is Mugabe or Tsvangirai or even Kisnot.

You probably wondering why. Well I have a voice and if my voice could be heard it would tell you my blood is Zimbabwean. I care about my country and that’s all that matters.

This is my voice, and this is what is says:

I dream the elected government would think about the masses and living conditions. Its important for a person living in a city to have electricity. Zesa is screwed up on many levels and if our president would hear my voice and fix this. Electricity cannot go for 2 weeks. It is unacceptable. There is no plausible reason. There is no excuse.

It is not normal for people to be constructing bore holes in the urban areas. Clean water should flow out of taps, continuously. That is what I care about. That’s my dream!

Roads construction and maintenance is also my dream.

You know what this all really makes me sad. Because there was a time when we had clean flowing water and electricity outages were few, short lived and far between and roads in urban areas actually had tarmac on them instead of deep potholes.

We had that. We need is back.

I have a voice. It says its time for our elected government to start caring more about this and less…… yes I said less …..about indigenization for NOW. Because really. This is more important.

We can always focus on that and other policies after the general living conditions have been restored to something that even slightly resembles the ZImbabwe I grew up in!

I have a voice.

Can anyone hear me?

PS: This post reflects only MYopinion. I do not impose my beliefs on anyone.